Of Course You Know This Means War?
by Ravenhurst
Summary: When Heimdall's attempt to kill Loki fails, he sets about making Loki's life as miserable as possible.
1. Part One

Of Course You Know This Means War? A Matentai Loki Ragnarok fic; part 1  
  
It had long been Heimdall's driving ambition to kill Loki. In fact, it had been his driving ambition for the last couple hundred years, especially after a certain Turn-of-the-Century party. He had planned for ages thinking of the most painful and humiliating ways to do away with the shape- shifting pest, but all the plans had hinged on one thing---the right time.  
  
Now it looked like the right time would never come.  
  
Stupid Loki had got himself exiled to the human dimension and stuck in an embarrassingly adorable form. Heimdall quickly changed his plans (taking only a few years) then asked Odin for permission to finally do his rival in. It hadn't been that easy, but Heimdall managed to broach the subject in such a way that Odin was convinced it was HIS idea for Heimdall to do the exile in.  
  
Heimdall carefully chose his form as a mockery of Loki's own, then put into motion the graceful events that would culminate in Loki's return of the stolen eye, and begging for forgiveness. Which would not be granted. Instead, Heimdall pictured Loki plunging into deep cold water to die in painful misery.  
  
It hadn't gone precisely as planned. Heimdall had been so wrapped up in the mechanics of causing Loki's death that he had not taken into account Loki himself. The other god had been on Earth much longer, and understood how to use what magic he had to the fullest. And he had sidekicks. Sidekicks, of all things!  
  
So Heimdall failed and Odin (since it HAD been Odin's idea to begin with, you know) decided that a fitting punishment for Heimdall's failure to kill Loki would result in a similar punishment.  
  
So now Heimdall was also in a child's body, and without a clue as to how to return to the divine dimension. He was marginally better off then Loki had been at first, but he didn't see it that way. In his mind, it was Loki's fault that he didn't die the way he was meant to. Loki, who lived in a large mansion, ate well, had some obsessive family member turned domestic, a cute girl, and Thor, a highly useful friend. Where as Heimdall usually lived on instant noodles, had magicked his way into a failing apartment complex, and had to deal with Freyr, a highly useless person as far as roommates went. Not to mention the damn pig.  
  
In short he was miserable, and was even more miserable because Loki appeared not to be suffering. So Heimdall's plans slowly changed---instead of killing Loki in a messy and painful way, he'd make his existance just as miserable as his own.  
  
&&  
  
"Yamino-kun, what is all this?"  
  
"I'm very glad you're home, Loki-sama. All this arrived in the mail today and is addressed to you." Yamino stood waist deep in stacks of boxes, large mailing envelopes, and correspondance. Loki picked up the topmost item on a nearby stack. It was a magazine. Indeed, most of the living room was full of magazines, many wrapped in plastic to create large bundles.  
  
"Basset Hound Weekly," he read off the cover. He opened the attached envelope. "Dear Mr. Loki: Congratulations on your one year subscription of our quality publication! You have received your free gift of six months' back issues totaling twenty-four 200 pg magazines chock full of information and entertainment pertaining to the beloved basset hound dog. Your bill for a one year subscription will arrive in 4-10 days. We look forward to your continued readership."  
  
Loki snatched another envelope. It contained a similar greeting welcoming him to his 1-yr subscription to Sitar Rock Bands. The pattern was repeated for such titles as Toll Painting Guild, Scrimshaw Monthly, Wrought Iron Collecting, Ferret Fancy, Russian Opera Review, Amateur Poets Anonymous, and Aryuvedic Astrology. He looked up at Yamino, who was now separating boxes from magazines. "What IS this?" he asked again.  
  
"I don't know, Loki-sama."  
  
"Did you go on another mail-order spree again?'  
  
"No. This was all addressed to you. I never knew you like Portuguese Masonry."  
  
"I don't. Or, I don't think I do."  
  
"Perhaps you've won a contest."  
  
The doorbell rang and Yamino stepped over the carefully piled magazines. Dreading another delivery, he opened the door.  
  
"Hello, Yamino-san!" the energetic teenager greeted him.  
  
"Ah, hello, Mayura-san. Come inside, but do watch your-----"  
  
THUD! "Ouch!"  
  
"----step."  
  
Mayura looked up from where she lay on the floor. "Wow! What a lot of magazines! I never knew you read this many!" She stood carefully avoiding knocking over anything, then paused halfway up.  
  
"Lolita Radar? Whose is this?"  
  
Yamino snatched the magazine away from the girl's eyes; Loki spoke up.  
  
"We don't know where these came from. Apparently we have been subscribing to dozens of titles without even knowing about it."  
  
"It's a mystery!"  
  
Loki was thoughtful. "Yes, it is." He turned and walked back into the house. "Yamino-kun, I think I'll need some tea."  
  
&&  
  
Fifteen minuets later Loki and Mayura sat around a tea table looking over the greeting notices that had appeared with the magazines and free gifts. There were more then Loki had first expected; nearly thirty magazine subscriptions had arrived in one day, and there was no telling how many more might be on their way. The subject matter ranged from the obscurely mundane (Antique Cola Memorabilia) to the embarrassing (Lolita Radar) to the bewildering (Advanced Economic Theory for Dummies). With Yamino standing nearby ready to refill cups, the two got to work.  
  
At first they had looked for a pattern determining the titles, but the subject matter was vast and seemed to have no connection. Subscription lengths varied, the value of the free gift seemed to have no role in the choosing of the magazine, and a quick glance at the masthead showed no common names between any magazine. Nearly an hour later Loki was convinced that no pattern existed. It was just too random, which may be a clue in itself. . .He fell into contemplation.  
  
Mayura interrupted his thoughts. "It's funny that none of these are magazines that any sane person would want to buy."  
  
"They're very specific. Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose."  
  
"But so many of them! It's would be very troublesome to have to keep track of them all."  
  
Loki sat up then. "Very troublesome, indeed," he repeated. "It's obvious that someone went through a lot of trouble to sign me up for subscriptions to all these magazines. This someone must have a lot of spare time, and really want to cause me trouble." He was standing now, brushing the cake crumbs off his coat.  
  
"Yamino-kun!" he called. A moment later the older man arrived, still holding the tea tray.  
  
"Yes, Loki-sama?"  
  
"We've solved the mystery."  
  
Mayura was ecstatic. "Really? Shall we apprehend them in a darkened street and demand an explanation? If they don't give us one, we shall hand them over to the police for---for public nuisance! We'll be heroes! Yay! Enjaku Detective Agency to the rescue!"  
  
Loki managed to catch the girl mid-breath. "Mayura, Yamino-kun and I are going out for a while. Why don't you go to the police with this?"  
  
"Me? Sure!"  
  
As Mayura gathered up the papers on the tea table Yamino and Loki made a quick exit.  
  
"What exactly is Mayura-san taking to the police?" Yamino asked.  
  
Loki smiled. "Whatever she wants to, I guess."  
  
&&  
  
Washing your roommate's dirty socks in an old kitchen sink wasn't Heimdall's idea of a fun evening. And when said roommate always seemed to be absent come laundry day, the chore was made even more distasteful. When the knock came at his door, he shook off drops of water off his hands and swore at the difficulty of shoving wet clawed hands into leather gloves. He wasn't happy to be interrupted and even less happy to see who was at the door. The expression on Loki's face made it worthwhile, though. Loki may have been the god of illusion, but he couldn't completely hide the irritation from his face.  
  
"Did you like my gift, Loki?" Heimdall asked.  
  
"I don't know what point you were trying to make, but it was made."  
  
"No point. I just thought you'd enjoy some reading material."  
  
Loki barely kept an explosion of anger out of his voice. "Heimdall, you should know better then to start a prank war with me."  
  
Heimdall leaned casually against the creaking door frame. "Is that a threat?"  
  
"It's a promise."  
  
&&  
  
Author's Note: Wow! How'd you like it? Most of it was written in a coffee shop and the rest was written under influence of Malice Mizer. I'd like this to be the first of a handful of silly stories in which Heimdell tries to make Loki's life a living hell and Loki retaliates. Incredibly pointless, but with so few Loki fics on the net, we'll take what we can get, right?  
  
You may question why the first letter Loki read (the one he read aloud) had "Mr. Loki" written in it rather then a Japanese suffix as appears in the rest of the story. No real reason; I just liked the way it sounded.  
  
I always appreciate feedback; you can reach me at haruhara_raharu@yahoo.com or at my LJ account kalhara. Thanks for reading! 


	2. Part Two

Of Course You Know This Means War?  
  
A Matantei Loki Ragnarok fic; part 2  
  
&*&*&  
  
"That's fascinating," Loki said to the stranger in his doorway. "But I'm sorry to say that I'm not interested."  
  
"Are you sure? This is a great opportunity you're passing up."  
  
Loki rushed on before the man could continue, "You know what? I have a friend who would really benefit from this." He gave the man a slip of paper from his coat pocket. The man studied it, then carefully placed it in his business card holder.  
  
"Do you have any other questions I can answer before I go?" he asked.  
  
"No, thank you, you've been most helpful. Just ask for the person named on that paper; I'm sure they'll be interested in what you have to say."  
  
Loki finally managed to send the man away, but not without several repetitions of the promise that yes, someone at the listed address was indeed interested in buying time shares in Asia. Now he sighed in relief and leaned back against the closed door.  
  
"Yamino-kun?"  
  
"Yes, Loki-sama?"  
  
"Was this a good idea?"  
  
"Of course, Loki-sama. This is what you do best, after all."  
  
&&  
  
When Heimdall and Freyr had originally been looking for a place to live, they had decided on an apartment building since they believed they'd blend in easily. Heimdall in particular wanted to live there since the eccentricitites of the others would serve to mask Freyr's oddities. One look at the "landlady" removed any doubt that either of them would stand out at being odd. The owner of the aparment was quite clearly male, dispite his clothing, reeked of cheap alcohol, and spoke with a peculiar accent. But Heimdall had seen odder things while on his lonely Bifrost watches, so he quickly wove a little enchantment around the 'woman' to convice her that, yes, these nice young men had paid rent. The enchantment had worked for a while. For whatever reason Heimdall's skills at bewitching humans failed on this individual and he had to renew it every week or so. So when he answered the knock on his door he had already worked out an elaborate speech to calm the landlady's fears of late payment.  
  
He was almost disappointed when it wasn't she who stood outside his door.  
  
"Are you a Mr. He-um---Heimdall?" Heimdall's name came with difficulty to the man standing on the covered landing.  
  
"Ye-e-es. That's me." The affirmation was drawn out with suspicion.  
  
"I'm here to offer you a one-time only opportunity to learn the secrets of capital investment!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Ever wonder how billionaires make their money? Now you can learn the things they don't want you to know! You too can multiply your earnings with this easy system. What kind of money are you making now, sir?"  
  
"Uh, what?"  
  
"What is your annual income?"  
  
"Well, nothing, I guess. I don't work."  
  
"Unemployed or underemployed?"  
  
"I don't work because I don't want to work." Let humans do human work. After all, he wasn't some pushover like that Thor.   
  
The man frowned a little, as if scolding Heimdall. "This is an opportunity you can't let pass you by. However, it takes someone with true initiative to take advantage of it. Do you think you're up to the challenge of boundless wealth?"  
  
"This isn't really something---"  
  
"This is your chance to exploit information for your own gain! Haven't you dreamed of fulfilling all your desires? What are some of the dreams you have; what do you want to do with your life?"  
  
Finally there was a question he could answer. "I want revenge!"  
  
The man's memoriezed lines held no response to this. "Pardon?"  
  
"I want revenge on that bastard Loki!"  
  
The salesman quickly found something to say. "Well, I can see that you're not really interested, so I'll be going!" He was on the third step leading to the street before his sentence ended.  
  
Heimdall watched him go, still dazed by what had happened.  
  
"Who was that?" he asked the empty air.  
  
&&  
  
Later that evening Freyr returned with Gullinbrusti from his daily Freya-hunt. Heimdall was seated at the low table that had been scrounged from an elderly couple who had been moving from the building. The tiny gas stove on top sputtered as it tried to bring the tin of water to a boil for use in that evening's instant noodle dish.  
  
"Where have you been all day?" Heimdall demanded. "You were supposed to help me shop today."  
  
"Freyr was out looking for his beloved younger sister, of course. Against such a noble pursuit, the pithy duties of domestic living are best left to you." He folded his cloak over an aluminum lawn chair and sat down opposite from Heimdall, grabbing the shrimp flavored noodles which left the gross chicken flavor for his roommate.  
  
Heimdall growled out, "But because you insist on carrying all the money, all I could afford was day-old bread heels. You're share's on the counter."  
  
"Eat it, Gullinbrusti," Freyr ordered the mechanical mockup of his traditional boar. A wheezy "buhi" was the pig's only response as it bounced over to where the bread lay. Heimdall seriously doubted Gullinbrusti could actually eat the bread, but right now he wasn't in the mood for dealing with Freyr's explanation as to why the pig had to eat.  
  
"So will you come shopping tomorrow?" Heimdall asked. Or was about to ask when there came a knocking at the door. He abandoned his efforts at boiling water and stomped over to the door instead.  
  
"What?" he demanded as swung the door open.  
  
"Greetings, friend." This time two people stood outside, a man and a woman, both smartly dressed with small name tags. "We bring good news!"  
  
Heimdall started to close the door. "I'm really not interested---"  
  
"Just a moment of your time, please. We're here to tell you about the endless love of God!"  
  
"I'm really not interested."  
  
"God is endlessly merciful and longs to shower blessings on his worshipers. Do you feel that your life is missing something?"   
  
"No. My life-- -"   
  
"Freyr is missing something!"  
  
The woman (whose name tag read "Sister Hanako") brightened. "What is it that you search for, friend?"  
  
"Freyr is missing his beloved younger sister, who was cruelly tricked into giving her love to an unworthy one. And now I search daily for her to bring her back into the safety of my presence." Freyr delivered this speech nearly on top of Heimdall, who had been knocked to the floor by Freyr's sudden arrival.  
  
"Yes, we are all lead astray at times, but with faith and soul-searching we can all return to God's fold. How old is your sister?"  
  
"It is not for a brother to say."  
  
"Of course," Sister Hanako hurried on. "And she was lead astray by a man?"  
  
"Yes, the most wily and womanizing creature in all creation, the lord of lies."  
  
The pair paled in just the slightest. "She was tempted by the Evil One?"  
  
"Indeed she was."  
  
"The love for your sister will indeed show her the true path in life."  
  
The man (whose name tag read "Brother Hagezawa") broke in. "I have something that will help you both." He reached into the shoulder bag he carried and pulled out an item. "This book," he went on, "Will answer all your questions."  
  
Heimdall couldn't stand it any more. With a roar he shoved Freyr back out of the doorway and glared at the two missionaries.  
  
"Will. You. Please. Leave?" he asked through clenched teeth. His gloved hands tightened on the wooden door frame. Heimdall's power began to gather around him, forming an invisible force that sent the two stepping back. Something deep in their brains told them they were up against a foe much more powerful then themselves.  
  
Heimdall slammed the door before they could say anything.  
  
&&  
  
For more then a week no fewer then five people a day showed at Freyr and Heimdall's apartment: newspaper and magazine salesman, perfume peddlers, people selling time shares and get-rich-quick schemes, all variety of charities and good causes, people with petitions, people with petitions against the petitions, scores of religious missionaries (those were the worst), and even tourists looking for directions. Pretty quickly Heimdall started asking who had sent them to the apartment, even though he already suspected the answer. They all answered along the lines of "a very polite young man with light auburn hair." "Why yes, he did wear a black coat," they'd respond when asked. "Do you know him?"  
  
&*&*&  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Thus ends round two of the "war" between Loki and Heimdall. Mayura did not appear, which is too bad because even though she's a little tough for me to write, I like her a lot. This story did give me a chance to play with Freyr who was very simple to write and lots of fun. So why are Heimdall and Freyr living in a crummy apartment? For some reason I assumed they were, though it seems they have lived a couple different places.   
  
PS: At the time this was originally written, I didn't know for sure where these two lived. Now that the series is over that information is pretty clear, so please keep in mind that this wasn't always the case. 


	3. Part Three

Of Course You Know This Means War?  
  
A Matantei Loki Fanfiction part 3  
  
&*&*&  
  
Whether it was a peculiarity unique to the body of a dog, or simply that Fenrir was still adjusting to the physical laws of Midgard, he couldn't have said. But he knew as soon as he woke that something was changing.  
  
He sniffed every inch of the mansion's floors, wandering in winding patterns across elegant carpets, and whining at the unease of it all. Except for a breakfast break Fenrir's morning was spent thus. At last even Yamino couldn't handle his brother's constant being underfoot.  
  
"Nii-san, please! Are you hungry? Do you want to go outside?" His words were polite, but his expression betrayed his stress.  
  
"There's something wrong," Fenrir murmured to himself as he hopped up the stairs, not looking back at Yamino.  
  
Loki was in his upstairs study, as was his habit at this time of day. At the end of each month he looked over all the newspaper clippings he had collected in his search for unusual activities to look for patterns. Anything unusual would be recorded in his large log book. He was in the middle of trying to see the connections between South American flooding and supposed cattle mutilations when Fenrir poked his head in.  
  
"Daddy, are you busy?"  
  
Loki look up, surprised. "What is it, Fenrir?"  
  
The black puppy crossed the room and hopped into Loki's lap. "There's something wrong," he said.  
  
"Like what?" Loki hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary, but he trusted his children's intuition.  
  
"The air," he said, "is wrong. It makes my ears feel funny."  
  
"Well, the weather's changing. Look." Loki placed Fenrir on the sill of the wide window. Against the distant horizon dark smudges of clouds were gathering.  
  
"It looks like a storm," he went on. "There's more moisture in the air and the pressure changes."  
  
"That must be it," Fenrir reluctantly conceded.  
  
&&  
  
Heimdall floated just above the tip of a TV broadcasting tower to survey his work; he was quite pleased.  
  
Getting a storm to gather above a city was the work of a moment---he was, after all, a god of weather and storms. But this one was special. It had been centuries since a storm needed this much of his personal attention. The level of detail this storm need for it to focus one location was astonishing. Even though he had only a few days worth of planning, Heimdall was lucky to have chosen a time when the weather was given to storming.  
  
"Enjoy it, Loki," he said to the cooling air. "I've worked hard."  
  
&&  
  
By the time Mayura reached the front door she was drenched. Her normally impeccable school uniform was now pressed embarrassingly close to her body and was trying to wring our her skirt when Yamino answered the door. He politely kept his eyes from moving too far south as he ushered her in and offered her a blanket.  
  
"Uwaa, Yamino-san! This rain is so strange! How long has it been pouring like this?"  
  
"It started just after lunch; it's been horrible. The wind----"  
  
The sound of crashing metal and the thump of something heavy hitting the floor interrupted him. "Yamino-kun!" Loki called from back in the house.  
  
Mayura followed Yamino's trot into the kitchen. "Loki-kun, what's wrong?"  
  
Loki stood in the center of the kitchen, overturned pots and pans and a fallen ladder around him. The contents of the pots must have fallen on top of him, because he was as wet as Mayura; he looked ridiculous with his heavy coat clinging to his small body.  
  
Loki pushed dripping hair from his face. "I was going to say we need more buckets."  
  
Mayura looked up at the dripping ceiling. "It's leaking in here?" she asked unnecessarily.  
  
"This house is very old. It leaks." Loki said, also unnecessarily.  
  
"But isn't there a room above the kitchen?"  
  
Loki and Yamino blinked at her in unison then rushed up the stairs.  
  
"What's above the kitchen?" Mayura called after them. When there was no answer she started up. "Ne---what's up there?"  
  
She found the two rushing around with boxes and stacks of stuff bringing them out into the hall and away from the side of the room.  
  
"What is all this?"  
  
"Remember those magazines? Well, we put them up here so they'd be out of the way, but they've caught all this water and it's now dripping through the ceiling." Yamino explained all this as he rushed back and forth between the unused guest bedroom and the upstairs hallway. The ceiling above the room was dripping in steady streams from the leaky roof.  
  
Mayura went back down the stairs and carried up a stack of bowls and containers from the kitchen then placed them to catch the worst of the water. Soon the room was peppered with everything from ceramic bowls to a plastic waste paper basket. The three stood back.  
  
"This storm came on us very suddenly," Yamino said. "There was nothing on the news, but the winds have pulled shingles from the roof, even!"  
  
"It's a mystery!"  
  
Loki walked out of the room suddenly, shaking water from his sleeves as he went.  
  
"Yamino-san? What's wrong with Loki-kun?"  
  
Yamino laughed a little nervously. "Well, Loki-sama doesn't like water."  
  
&&  
  
The rain continued all afternoon. Mayura used her cell phone to call her father to ask if there was any unusual weather at their house, but was told everything was clear and fair. She immediately began forming theories; aliens, government conspiracies, even angry spirits figured in her far reaching speculations. Yamino patiently listened to her, but he had his own theories about the storm's origin. Soon he excused himself to bring Loki tea.  
  
Loki had dried himself off and found more clothing to change into. He sat facing the window in his study looking depressed and irritable. Yamino set the tea tray on the large desk near Loki's elbow.  
  
"Would you like anything else, Loki-sama?"  
  
Loki didn't answer. Yamino moved over to look out the window.  
  
"It doesn't look like it'll let up any time soon, does it?" he said conversationally. Outside, the rain came down so hard that they couldn't even see into the street beyond where (they were sure) sunlight and mild weather still prevailed.  
  
"Heimdall did this."  
  
"Yes, I believe so."  
  
"He knows I hate water."  
  
Yamino didn't answer.  
  
"I'm not leaving the house while it's like this."  
  
",,,"  
  
"My house is falling apart." His voice rose. "My house is falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it!"  
  
"Is there a way to drive the storm away?"  
  
"Not without more power. He made this very strong."  
  
"What shall we do, then?"  
  
Loki continued to gaze out at the torrential rain.  
  
&&  
  
The hours passed slowly inside the house. Even will all the lights on, the mansion had an eerie half-light reminiscent of an funeral parlor after all the mourners have left. Loki wandered moodily through the twilight picking things up, carrying them around, then putting them down without even looking at what he held. Yamino followed his father around to gather up the books and trinkets and return them to their proper places. Fenrir trailed after both, whining softly in worry.  
  
Loki, meanwhile, was agitated. The heavy presence of water everywhere left his senses feeling fuzzy and vulnerable. He kept expecting waves of rainwater to wash through the doors and drown him; he was irrationally melancholy and that made him even more upset. He was not often given to self-pity, but he was now.  
  
He didn't deserve this, no one deserved this. Here he was, Loki, the very blood brother of Odin himself, exiled, lonely, near powerless, and in a highly inconvenient body. He loved his children certainly, but he often craved more interaction then a butler, a puppy, and a high school girl. Loki surveyed the rooms with their expanses of books, furniture, and the other trappings of his new life and sighed; he was not cut out for the mundane routine of daily mortal life.  
  
The knock on the door went unnoticed until Yamino came to the door of the room Loki was currently in and announced a visitor.  
  
"Tell them to come back tomorrow," he ordered.  
  
"I really think you should speak with them, Loki-sama."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Loki walked into the parlor where he could see the hooded head of his visitor just above the low back of a chair. The aura radiated by the visitor revealed the true identity.  
  
"Heimdall."  
  
Heimdall turned around in the chair. "Good to see you, Loki. Nice weather we're having, isn't it?"  
  
"You did this!"  
  
"Of course. It's some of my best work in years." He stood up and shook rivulets of water onto the floor as he removed the raincoat. "You ought to be flattered."  
  
"I'm not. This is really low, even for you, Heimdall."  
  
"It's nothing compared to what you've done to me."  
  
"I'll admit that the god people were a little over the top, but I thought you'd appreciate the irony."  
  
Heimdall glared at Loki. "That's not what I'm talking about and you know it!"  
  
"You started this with those damn magazines; you couldn't have thought that I wouldn't retaliate. Just admit it, you started a prank war with the wrong deity."  
  
"Funny how it's YOUR house that's falling down."  
  
"You'll have nothing to laugh at when this rain stops. You'll be very sorry you messed with me."  
  
Heimdall stood up and put his coat on as he walked to the front door. "Well, Loki, you'll have lots of time to think while you wait for the rain to let up." Heimdall let himself out. Loki watched the other god walk to the edge of his property in the downpour, exit the gate, then remove the coat and walk off down the street into the clear evening air.  
  
"Damn him," he muttered. "He'll regret doing this to me."  
  
&*&*&  
  
Hey, it's an update! Yah, it took a little longer to finish this then I originally thought. Actually, part 4 was all finished long before part three had moved past an incomplete rough draft. It had been written on a friend's Apple laptop so it was a real pain to get the file from him.  
  
This was a slightly harder part to write since I wasn't dealing with any major character moments. It's a transition between the first two pranks and the fourth, final, prank. In part four there's more Mayura, more Loki, more Heimdall, and more Freyr.  
  
As usual, feedback is more then welcome. You can e-mail me at haruhara_raharu@yahoo.com or find me at the Hemuloki LiveJournal Community as "kalhara."  
  
Thank you for reading. 


	4. Part Four

Of Course You Know This Means War?   
  
A Matantei Loki Ragnarok fanfic: part 4  
  
Mayura was approaching her term finals, and once again, her lack of focus on day-to-day assignments had caught up with her. She hadn't realized just how much she had slacked off untill she saw the list of assignments needed for her final grade. In both math and science she had gotten into the habit of tucking homework into her folders to begin at home, but never actually finish. So the errant scholar had set up a sort of "study camp" in the parlor of the Enjaku Detective Agency, much to Loki's dismay.  
  
"Why here?" he had asked her.  
  
"Because," she explained. "I need somewhere with a good study vibe; my house just isn't right. All your books and stuff just scream dull and unintresting."  
  
Loki had almost asked her why she had bothered if his house was so dull, but she obviously had her mind set on it; he knew better then to argue with Mayura when she got like this. Over the next several days he saw an accumulation of books, papers, pencils, pens, notes, and something she called "brainfood," which looked suspisiously like Pocky and chocolate cookies. Odd volumes of manga also showed up, which Mayura claimed she needed to keep her brain from wearing out. Loki was sad over the loss of his parlor (he had liked to take tea in there sometimes), but came to the conclusion that a busy Mayura was a Mayura that wasn't bothering him. The sooner she finished her work, the sooner he could get his parlour back.  
  
Yamino didn't seem to be helping matters any. He'd bring her a fresh pot of tea at the same time he brought one upstairs to Loki, and kept her well supplied with snacks. Mayura in turn shared with Fenrir (who would hide under the couch until Yamino was gone). Yamino once caught her feeding the puppy bits of chocolate Pocky and admonished her not to give him any more, since chocolate was very bad for dogs. The black puppy gave Yamino such an evil look that Mayura could have sworn he understood every word.  
  
Loki in the meantime spent most of his time in his upstairs study, even during the afternoon when the south-facing window let in all the light and heat of the day. He didn't mind having Mayura around, he even rather enjoyed having another person around from time to time, but he was a very private person. He was, he reflected, rather intolerant of neighbors, no matter how considerate or cute they were.  
  
It just so happened that as he was thinking this, Loki came across an ad in the Classified section of the paper.  
  
"Tainted Gari needs a studio! Aspiring band seeks basement, spare bedroom, or cutting edge recording facilities; will pay rent on time."  
  
Odin himself had learned to fear a certain smile that Loki had. Loki wore that smile right now.  
  
&&  
  
"It looks like we have some new neighbors," Heimdall remarked as he entered the apartment.  
  
Freyr sat at the table and tinkered with some complex addition to Gullinbrusti. "They must be quite perceptive to have chosen the same honorable dwellings as we," he said.  
  
Heimdall wondered what was so honorable about the low-rent apartment complex owned by an drunken Russian transvestite, but didn't say anything. Instead of letting himself be bothered by his roommate just after getting home, he went back outside to watch the movers.  
  
He liked standing and watching the world from the upper level walkway of the building. It wasn't quite the same as standing on Bifrost where his keen ears could hear any being approaching from a world away, but it was good enough for now. Now Heimdall looked down on six young people, four men and two women. They were all dressed similarly with black leather jackets and dyed hair. All six carted items from a rented truck to the open appartment right below Heimdall's. The things they carried seemed mostly electronic: speakers, boxes of wires, microphones, mixing boards, computers and moniters, more wires, and items that Heimdall couldn't even guess at.   
  
Freyr was now watching them, too. "Perhaps we should introduce ourselves."  
  
They walked down the rickety steps. Two members of the group had sat down on two boxes and passed a home rolled cigarette between them.  
  
"Greetings! I am Freyr."  
  
"I'm Heimdall."  
  
The one on the left, a young man maybe around 19, blinked slowly. "Whoa, wild names. I'm Ran, he's Suki. You guys live upstairs?"  
  
Freyr said, "Yes, we've been upstairs for several months now."  
  
Heimdall didn't miss the tiny glance that passed between the two men. "We're roommates," he explained quickly.  
  
Suki snubbed his cigarette out on the wall of the building. "No, it's cool." He gestured at the tallest of those moving boxes. "Yun over there, he's, well, kinda out there, too. If you know what I mean."  
  
Heimdall hurried to change the subject. "So what's all this stuff? It doesn't look like you're moving in."  
  
Ran smiled. "We're in a band! This is gonna be our studio. We'll practice, and write songs, and even mix demo tapes for radio stations. It's gonna be so cool!"   
  
Freyr perked up. "I am not unfamiliar with the noble pursuit myself; tell me, what kind of music do you play?"  
  
Ran smiled again. "Loud," he said.  
  
&&  
  
Freyr was just leaving the apartment to go on his evening Freya hunt when he was approached by Suki, the older of the two men he and Heimdall had spoken with three days ago.   
  
"Hey, glad I ran into you. I don't suppose you wanna stop by, see what we've got set up? We're breaking in the place, you know." He gave Freyr a wink that seemed to hold some implied meaning.  
  
"If you need some place broken into, Kaitou Freyr will be glad to help."  
  
He smiled. "Yah, that's what I thought. C'mon in and meet the band." He led Freyr into the apartment directly below the one he shared with Heimdall. The other six people were sitting around eating take out straight from the containers and passing bottles around. The air was heavy with smoke from the cigarrettes they also passed around.  
  
Suki pointed at the various members as he introduced them. "Ran you know; the girl's Aoi, she's with Yuki. He's Yun, and she's Tsuki. We're Tainted Gari!"   
  
"TAINTED GARI!" the band members yelled back.  
  
Suki pulled up a box for Freyr to sit on, then accepted a cigarrette from Aoi at his right. He took a long drag on it, savored the smoke, then blew it out into the already smoky air. Then he handed it to Freyr.   
  
Freyr didn't really understand this ceremony, but lack of understanding had never stopped the great Kaitou Freyr. He mimiced Suki's actions, inhaling sharp acrid smoke deep into his lungs, holding the breath, then exhaling. Then he handed across his chest to Aoi on his left. Soon the home-rolled cigarrette was back to Freyr, and he drew on it again.   
  
The brand at the end of the little white stick soon went out and another one was rolled. Freyr watched this carefully, intrested in any aspect of human life that may help him A) find Freya or B) woo Yamato Nadeshiko. Perhaps this strange ceremony was a sort of bonding activity shared between neighbors. Freyr resolved to stay and smoke until he understood.  
  
&&  
  
Heimdall lay on the couch and tryed to stuff throw pillows into his ears. He was miserable. The world was only a pale blur now; he felt his body becoming lighter and lighter. Was it possible for a god to die from pain?  
  
He heard the door slam despite the pillows he had clamped over his head. "Heimdall! Did you buy those crackers?"  
  
He peeked out from underneath worn green velveteen to see Freyr shuffling through their cupboards as if Freya herself was hidden behind the dry rice.  
  
"What?" he croaked out. Damn, now his voice was going. Was that a sign of death, too? First vision, then voice, then---what?  
  
"The chicken crackers Freyr likes so much. I specifically asked that they be bought today."  
  
"Go buy them youself." Heimdall did not want his last moments spent on a miserable Midgard to be spent arguing about crackers with Freyr.  
  
Freyr yanked the pillows from Heimdall's face, revealing one blood shot eye ringed in dark shadows. "What's wrong with you?"  
  
"Those people."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"Those people, those----NEIGHBORS, have been playing their damn music for two days! And when they aren't playing, their arguing. I've heard them talk about their guitar strings and their cigarettes and their underwear and the flies and---AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"  
  
"Freyr hasn't heard a thing."  
  
Heimdall sat up sharply on the couch and smacked Freyr with one green pillow. "That's because you aren't the Guardian of Asgard! You don't have to be able to hear everything that crawls in all the nine worlds, whereas I can hear you picking your nose from the street!"  
  
Freyr was taken aback. Heimdall was usually ornery, but he was rarely actually angry.  
  
"You shouldn't say such things. They are generous and good people. They allowed Freyr to help break into their appartment by participating in a private human ritual called 'The Smoke Out.'"  
  
Heimdall had given up on trying to make any sense out of Freyr long ago. He lay back down and covered his head with pillows. "Yah, well, it's your turn to cook dinner."  
  
Freyr wandered back into the kitchen. "Do we have any peanut butter? Or toast? Freyr is very hungry."  
  
&&  
  
When Loki answered his door he wasn't surprised to find a certain purple haired boy standing on his porch.  
  
"I give up," Heimdall murmured. "Call them off."  
  
"I don't know what you mean, Heimdall."  
  
Heimdall glared with his one good eye, now bloodshot and cloudy with lack of sleep. His face was pale and drawn; he looked awful. "Don't play with me, Loki. I can't take it any more."  
  
Loki smirked. "So you admit you can't go up against me in a war?"  
  
Heimdall's gaze smouldered like a sunburn. "I'll admit nothing! You play dirty, you bastard."  
  
"And who was it that conjured a magic rainstorm that wouldn't dissapate for a week? That wasn't exactly fair, either."  
  
"A little water's nothing; you're just a wimp."  
  
Loki began to close the door.   
  
"No, wait!" Loki stopped.   
  
Heimdall started again. "I give up. Please call them off. I can't sleep, I can't think, and Freyr spends all his time sitting around with them and then eats all our food. I can't take it anymore!"  
  
Loki had never been known for his pity in his formar life. In fact, he could be downright merciless if angered. To his horror, he was moved by Heimdall's begging. He'd never admit it, but he even had a slight twist in his gut about hitting so low. He shook it off; he'd been around humans and their obsession with guilt too long.  
  
"I'll think about it," he said, and shut the door.  
  
&&  
  
Sure enough, the band did leave. When quesitoned, they said that there were attacked by swarms of fluffy pink creatures. Heimdall, used to not asking questions, didn't.  
  
&*&*&  
  
Author's note: And there ends the prank war between Heimdall and Loki. I have genuinly enjoyed writing this, and I'm very glad if you've enjoyed reading it, too. This show and it's fandom has become quite special to me in a very short time and I'm glad to have had a part in spreading the joy.   
  
In this story we got to see a little more interaction between Freyr and Heimdall, which is always fun to write. We also met the band Tainted Gari, which actually comes from a band name a friend of mine and I came up with. Gari is pickled ginger, by the way. I really feel like I took a chance on that scene with Freyr and the band; I'm not sure how it'll be recieved, so be sure to leave me a review here or contact me at haruhara_raharu@yahoo.com or at my LiveJournal under user name kalhara. I'm also a member of the LJ Hemuloki Community and the Matantei Loki Ragnarok Yahoo! group. *waves*  
  
I feel appologetic about the second installment of this story. Like cheap cheese, it hadn't been allowed to age long enough and were thrust out onto the internet before they had reached their full flavor. There have been a few changes made, most notably the absense of the narsacisstic self-insertion. I thought it'd work and I don't think it did. Also, it's been firmly established that Freyr and Heimdall seem to live in some kind of mansion or large house, probably an abandoned one. At the time this was orignally written there was very little info to be gained about their living arrangements and it seemed to me that it was different each time. So while their appartment living isn't accurate to the anime, it is pretty funny.   
  
Finally, thanks again for reading. Without readers, there's no reason for my or any other writer to continue doing what we love. If you like, drop me a line at haruhara_raharu@yahoo.com. 


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